Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
one day
why?!!!! this is never ending. i cant believe this. i'm barely 24, and yet because of you, i have to clear the problems u created for me. PROBLEMS! and i cant escape. if i say i dun help u, u create more troubles...at a certain place, with dire consequences. if i help u, there's neverending requests. I'm tired of all these. stupid request. u say u will return but since when???!!!! going 2 years, and i barely cleared even 1/5 of it. instead, there are more i have to return. and now u still want?!?!! and how can u just open pple's letters? what say if i open ur letters!! this is call privacy and respect.
i'm really tired of all these. the feeling of wanting to do something drastic is back again. since jc times. one day. just one day when i have the courage and when i really cant take it. i will do something drastic. trust me.
i'm really tired of all these. the feeling of wanting to do something drastic is back again. since jc times. one day. just one day when i have the courage and when i really cant take it. i will do something drastic. trust me.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
fed up
total disappointment.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
and i'm fed up with the constant no replies. i give up. u want to reply, u reply. else i heck care.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
and i'm fed up with the constant no replies. i give up. u want to reply, u reply. else i heck care.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
argh
informally grounded. sianz. wasn't able to go airport and send ken off as a result. though i cld have sneaked out but i didn't want to take the risk of unable to go for training on sunday - but i think i still have to give it a miss. dad's not really happy with the coughing and yet training situation. and it doesn't help that i had been out and home late for the past 5 days out of a possible 6 days for the week (and 6 out of 7 if u include last sunday). i don't like it too but what can I do?
no choice yeah. it's getting to me..feeling more and more tired with all the late nite travels back home and waking up early the next day for work. it doesn't help that my cough is still there - i cant drink coffee to get me focus during office hours.
work was a little boring for me these few weeks with me unable to do more as i'm not the limiting factors for most of my projects. i just hope when everything starts again for all my projects, i wont get stuck doing multiple things for multiple projects at the same time. and i really dread calling this client for this project do ask them to do some maintenance - really dread the effect of asking them to do so. and if i don't do so, it may end up another 2 - 3 days stuck at the client's place again. argh.
why cant i just play handball? and able to earn money from it? SIGH. i need a break. from everything.
no choice yeah. it's getting to me..feeling more and more tired with all the late nite travels back home and waking up early the next day for work. it doesn't help that my cough is still there - i cant drink coffee to get me focus during office hours.
work was a little boring for me these few weeks with me unable to do more as i'm not the limiting factors for most of my projects. i just hope when everything starts again for all my projects, i wont get stuck doing multiple things for multiple projects at the same time. and i really dread calling this client for this project do ask them to do some maintenance - really dread the effect of asking them to do so. and if i don't do so, it may end up another 2 - 3 days stuck at the client's place again. argh.
why cant i just play handball? and able to earn money from it? SIGH. i need a break. from everything.
Monday, October 27, 2008
will i?
wiil i ever be a great keeper? will i ever be a good one? will i ever be to my team as norway's lunde to her team or palinger to hungary or the korean keepers to korea?
i hope to. i wish to. i WANT to. will i? I want to say I will. but its a matter of time and a matter of mentality. Time will say it all. till then. it's work now.
sigh
i hope to. i wish to. i WANT to. will i? I want to say I will. but its a matter of time and a matter of mentality. Time will say it all. till then. it's work now.
sigh
Saturday, October 04, 2008
just
just so tired. just so not enough time. just so only me. and a little bit confused over it..just so wish there are more than one me.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
HANDBALL
still loving it. HANDBALL. this sport. :)
no matter how tired the training can get. no matter how tough it is. no matter how long it is. no matter how it is taking up my free time. I'm still LOVING it.
am always willing to give up my comp usage time for it. am always. - till the day i start disliking it. which i doubt. simply simply simply LOVE handball keeping.
yeah wed is pub hol!
no matter how tired the training can get. no matter how tough it is. no matter how long it is. no matter how it is taking up my free time. I'm still LOVING it.
am always willing to give up my comp usage time for it. am always. - till the day i start disliking it. which i doubt. simply simply simply LOVE handball keeping.
yeah wed is pub hol!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
determination
argh. i know i'm making this blog as if it's a place for me to complain..but i think it's just like an online diary to me..a place for me to vent my anger, fustration and a place for me to share my happiness..my feelings..
but still..i really really don't like this kind of project handlings with deadlines to meet for programming. argh. with no help at all in a "foreign language". it's wat will totally drive me away, feeling as if I wanna quit the job. SIGH!
I REALLY NEED TO GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH!!! 3months..i think i really really need to buck up. and commit myself to work and OT for 3 months.. I WILL DO IT! I CAN DO IT! then i can concentrate on handball with the hall kids and the fed team. i will do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
argh. determination and preservations are all i need!
but still..i really really don't like this kind of project handlings with deadlines to meet for programming. argh. with no help at all in a "foreign language". it's wat will totally drive me away, feeling as if I wanna quit the job. SIGH!
I REALLY NEED TO GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH!!! 3months..i think i really really need to buck up. and commit myself to work and OT for 3 months.. I WILL DO IT! I CAN DO IT! then i can concentrate on handball with the hall kids and the fed team. i will do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
argh. determination and preservations are all i need!
Sunday, August 03, 2008
still
还在怀念。。就那么放不开吗？就像好多年前那样。。那时的“只要在同一个地方，就想回避”的心情一样。。
still feeling so..i guess it's dat feeling then.sigh.
still feeling so..i guess it's dat feeling then.sigh.
Friday, August 01, 2008
SIGH in CHINESE!
又生病了。。上星期四晚上的上吐下泻和肚痛。。从星期一开始的伤风感冒、咳嗽等。。我真的真得很想那病假。。可是工作却已经堆积如山。。这星期六又有活动。。星期日去看医生吧。。不过，还是不能去看医生吧。。
小猪妹妹搬进宿舍了。。没人和我玩了。。每人让我欺负了。。所以，星期六、星期日对她的欺负需要比平常多哦。。
小猪妹妹搬进宿舍了。。没人和我玩了。。每人让我欺负了。。所以，星期六、星期日对她的欺负需要比平常多哦。。
Saturday, July 12, 2008
taiwan trip
wanna blog about the taiwan trip but i guess there are just too many things that i can talk about and i cant remember everything either.
Through this trip, i guess all of us who went had gained new friends from the overseas uni that took part in the competition, esp the ntu gals. From the unfamiliar, shy attitude that we had towards them from the first day of training camp, to eating n talking to them during coach's treat, to asking them questions during training about how to do better passes or do better fakes and cuts..to how to do better fast break throws and long passes and the very zai looking keeper drills..to having real fun during training..to joke around with them and complaining about aching muscles (esp when we go down the stairs)..to playing them on the first day of competition and yet still can enjoy the game..to cheering each other throughout the competition..to bitching and gossiping about players from other uni..to playing uno cards together..to going to KTV together to sing songs and have fun..to gg to ding tai feng to eat dinner..to teaching them esp tiao pan abt yx's fav taupok..I guessed the 2 teams as a whole had really became closer to each other through the training camp, the competition, the outings and the staying in hostel..
And we do indeed felt very honoured that we were the only team whereby the ntu gals came down personally to send us off though tiao pan cldnt make it last min. We really do see that she wanted to make it and it was really good to see that my fellow team mates really care enough for our fellow taiwan frens to even run back to hostel to take med for her. :) tiao pan, don't worry. There's always a next time! You can always come down to singapore to visit us! :) (doubt u will see this though..) Lan tian too, be strong! you'll meet some of the gals again in FCU's akita. You are a very good player but do take good care of yourself! I still wanna play against you and the rest of the ntu gals and attempt to keep out your shots! :)
The coach was very zai and nice too. He treated us to lunch. All the gals and guys who were around on the day of treat, including the ntu hballers. He taught us basics too and really was very patient towards us. He even joked around with us and the rest, calling choe - ah ma and cheering on for her during one of the trainings. I would never forget his cheering on for her. It was one of the most funny moments of the trip. And he even came down personally to the bus and into the bus to say goodbye to us when we were leaving for airport. What more can we ask for?
For my fellow team mates and coach. PL, u are really one of few players/coaches that I really respected, esp if u are from my team..(hee). One who really observes and analyze and point out things to us - things that we see and we don't see. One who guides us and scolds us when we need to be scolded. The growth of the young ones and the older ones is due partly to you around too. I know the pain of sitting at the side watching us train and yet you can't train. Be strong. Recover completely. Come back to the sport. And we'll be back for this ntu competition again 2 years on. Don't lose ur passion for the sport. :)
Fellow senior team mates..we played together for a while already, esp the older ones. U know who u are. It had been a pleasure playing with you pple who know my weak spots and strong spots. Who always wanna defend for me. Who always will run fast breaks for me to throw. (N u know how i love to throw that kind of lob over pple fast break throws) Who always made me wanna keep well for you all. Thank you!
Do continue the sport and lets continue playing together! keep the passion on and who knows how far we can go together as a team and how much we can grow together! Lets play on for years!
Fellow juniors aka the young kids. I hoped it had been an eye-opening trip for you gals. Be it the sport, the people, the facilities, the courts or the country itself. I really hope you girls can continue playing hball, loving it more and more, and of course, enjoy the game itself and the company u will have while playing hball. It really is very touching (for me la) to see how far you gals have come from pre-IHG period whereby you cant even pass and catch totally. Till now where u all can do 闪切and nice shots. really do grow the passion and don't let it die and one day, you all will surpass the seniors. We really see the potential in you all! And for once, I do feel like grandma when I see the kids pass well, defend well, shoot well and the 'feeling' of 'I want the ball. (Well, yx was the first mah. so the rest now is 2nd generation - thus ah ma.)
I'm glad I took 13 days of leave. I'm glad I went for the trip. Though there are regrets during the games where I wasn't 110% or even 100%, where I didn't play well enough to warrant my place in the first team, where I totally let el down since I'm totally playing badly where she cld have done better (Sorry El!), I'm still glad I went to Taipei, Taiwan. I'm glad that I learnt new things there. I'm glad that I made new friends there. :) Thank you peeps! (Needa re-think how to incoporate what I learnt into my keeping style - it's in a total mess now. I cant keep properly!)
Looking forward to my next competitve tournament. Till next season then. (Dudes, let's go for the competition 2 years later!)
Through this trip, i guess all of us who went had gained new friends from the overseas uni that took part in the competition, esp the ntu gals. From the unfamiliar, shy attitude that we had towards them from the first day of training camp, to eating n talking to them during coach's treat, to asking them questions during training about how to do better passes or do better fakes and cuts..to how to do better fast break throws and long passes and the very zai looking keeper drills..to having real fun during training..to joke around with them and complaining about aching muscles (esp when we go down the stairs)..to playing them on the first day of competition and yet still can enjoy the game..to cheering each other throughout the competition..to bitching and gossiping about players from other uni..to playing uno cards together..to going to KTV together to sing songs and have fun..to gg to ding tai feng to eat dinner..to teaching them esp tiao pan abt yx's fav taupok..I guessed the 2 teams as a whole had really became closer to each other through the training camp, the competition, the outings and the staying in hostel..
And we do indeed felt very honoured that we were the only team whereby the ntu gals came down personally to send us off though tiao pan cldnt make it last min. We really do see that she wanted to make it and it was really good to see that my fellow team mates really care enough for our fellow taiwan frens to even run back to hostel to take med for her. :) tiao pan, don't worry. There's always a next time! You can always come down to singapore to visit us! :) (doubt u will see this though..) Lan tian too, be strong! you'll meet some of the gals again in FCU's akita. You are a very good player but do take good care of yourself! I still wanna play against you and the rest of the ntu gals and attempt to keep out your shots! :)
The coach was very zai and nice too. He treated us to lunch. All the gals and guys who were around on the day of treat, including the ntu hballers. He taught us basics too and really was very patient towards us. He even joked around with us and the rest, calling choe - ah ma and cheering on for her during one of the trainings. I would never forget his cheering on for her. It was one of the most funny moments of the trip. And he even came down personally to the bus and into the bus to say goodbye to us when we were leaving for airport. What more can we ask for?
For my fellow team mates and coach. PL, u are really one of few players/coaches that I really respected, esp if u are from my team..(hee). One who really observes and analyze and point out things to us - things that we see and we don't see. One who guides us and scolds us when we need to be scolded. The growth of the young ones and the older ones is due partly to you around too. I know the pain of sitting at the side watching us train and yet you can't train. Be strong. Recover completely. Come back to the sport. And we'll be back for this ntu competition again 2 years on. Don't lose ur passion for the sport. :)
Fellow senior team mates..we played together for a while already, esp the older ones. U know who u are. It had been a pleasure playing with you pple who know my weak spots and strong spots. Who always wanna defend for me. Who always will run fast breaks for me to throw. (N u know how i love to throw that kind of lob over pple fast break throws) Who always made me wanna keep well for you all. Thank you!
Do continue the sport and lets continue playing together! keep the passion on and who knows how far we can go together as a team and how much we can grow together! Lets play on for years!
Fellow juniors aka the young kids. I hoped it had been an eye-opening trip for you gals. Be it the sport, the people, the facilities, the courts or the country itself. I really hope you girls can continue playing hball, loving it more and more, and of course, enjoy the game itself and the company u will have while playing hball. It really is very touching (for me la) to see how far you gals have come from pre-IHG period whereby you cant even pass and catch totally. Till now where u all can do 闪切and nice shots. really do grow the passion and don't let it die and one day, you all will surpass the seniors. We really see the potential in you all! And for once, I do feel like grandma when I see the kids pass well, defend well, shoot well and the 'feeling' of 'I want the ball. (Well, yx was the first mah. so the rest now is 2nd generation - thus ah ma.)
I'm glad I took 13 days of leave. I'm glad I went for the trip. Though there are regrets during the games where I wasn't 110% or even 100%, where I didn't play well enough to warrant my place in the first team, where I totally let el down since I'm totally playing badly where she cld have done better (Sorry El!), I'm still glad I went to Taipei, Taiwan. I'm glad that I learnt new things there. I'm glad that I made new friends there. :) Thank you peeps! (Needa re-think how to incoporate what I learnt into my keeping style - it's in a total mess now. I cant keep properly!)
Looking forward to my next competitve tournament. Till next season then. (Dudes, let's go for the competition 2 years later!)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Eat Sleep Breathe Handball!
think about nothing except for handball now. 5 more days. 3 more working days. going to focus on nothing but handball (n partly distracted for work during office hours for 3 more days..) for now.
Training camp + competition. what more can i ask for? it's gg to be train handball, learn handball, play handball, watch handball, wake handball, sleep handball, dream handball, eat handball, drink handball, breathe handball, LOVE handball! for the coming 2-3 weeks!!! what a way to spend 12 of my leave on these. i think i will totally not regret it (to spend 13 (12 overseas and 1 day break) of my leave on this).
HANDBALL for now. :)
Taiwan here we go!
Training camp + competition. what more can i ask for? it's gg to be train handball, learn handball, play handball, watch handball, wake handball, sleep handball, dream handball, eat handball, drink handball, breathe handball, LOVE handball! for the coming 2-3 weeks!!! what a way to spend 12 of my leave on these. i think i will totally not regret it (to spend 13 (12 overseas and 1 day break) of my leave on this).
HANDBALL for now. :)
Taiwan here we go!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
wii...
hah. wat a great 'outing' though it should be called an outing. only 4 of us and i only knew of it the day before. but i guess only pple from the 19th can made me come out of house on a saturday evening/nite (and made me miss the possible time that i can spend with my beloved laptop..) of course there are other grps of pple who can made me do that too (hball frens, hall frens, soc gang etc)..but it was great!
haven been feeling so for a while le..and i was actually quite surprised that i do let a few secrets out to them..hah though it's alright for them to noe these..just that i'm yet to feel so comfortable to share those things with frens yet..there's just something that i didnt mention yesterday too..not sure if it's gd or bad..but yeah i'm a very passive person..and there are things that i haven share with anyone yet..deep down in my heart..and yeah i cant bring myself to share them with anyone yet...i think it's just me..but dudes, it was really fun yesterday!!! :)
haven been feeling so for a while le..and i was actually quite surprised that i do let a few secrets out to them..hah though it's alright for them to noe these..just that i'm yet to feel so comfortable to share those things with frens yet..there's just something that i didnt mention yesterday too..not sure if it's gd or bad..but yeah i'm a very passive person..and there are things that i haven share with anyone yet..deep down in my heart..and yeah i cant bring myself to share them with anyone yet...i think it's just me..but dudes, it was really fun yesterday!!! :)
Sunday, May 11, 2008
poisoned
thanks sp and jan! :)
aniwae think i ate something wrong these few days..according to the doctor, i had food poisoning..AGAIN.yes again, seems like every year I will get it once..SIGH.
end up didn't do much today. wanted to go lib to borrow books on visual C++ and think through some work stuff..but today was wasted on SHL in the morning, diarrhoea-ing in the afternoon n evening, and sleeping from afternoon, evening and night..and are you wondering why am i still awake at 2.42am?? cos i'm too awake to continue sleeping..headache going to appear soon. but i think i will attempt to go sleep soon again. oh and i wanted to vomit also but couldn't. i HATE this kind of feeling!!!
42days to taiwan!
aniwae think i ate something wrong these few days..according to the doctor, i had food poisoning..AGAIN.yes again, seems like every year I will get it once..SIGH.
end up didn't do much today. wanted to go lib to borrow books on visual C++ and think through some work stuff..but today was wasted on SHL in the morning, diarrhoea-ing in the afternoon n evening, and sleeping from afternoon, evening and night..and are you wondering why am i still awake at 2.42am?? cos i'm too awake to continue sleeping..headache going to appear soon. but i think i will attempt to go sleep soon again. oh and i wanted to vomit also but couldn't. i HATE this kind of feeling!!!
42days to taiwan!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Regrets
i know it's tough. i had wanted to blog. earlier. about certain other things.
related to hball, related to work. and other things.
but..though we already know she was ill. though i already knew that. i didnt message her at all. Being hesitant that she doesn't remember me, that I may hurt her feelings or made her feel sad if I used the wrong words. Eventually, I missed the opportunity, to even send her a message of asking her to be strong, to continue fighting on. and now..
She has left us..to a place in the west up in the sky. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise for her. Since I believe she must had suffered a lot during the whole period and must had felt terrible. It's a 解脱 for her bah. Do RIP.
To my loved ones out there - be it friends or relatives, I can't bring myself to say this out..not even type it out..but I do treasure everyone of u..and I wanna type the 3 words here but I really cant bring myself to do it. I hope u all do know what the 3 words are. Take care dudes.
related to hball, related to work. and other things.
but..though we already know she was ill. though i already knew that. i didnt message her at all. Being hesitant that she doesn't remember me, that I may hurt her feelings or made her feel sad if I used the wrong words. Eventually, I missed the opportunity, to even send her a message of asking her to be strong, to continue fighting on. and now..
She has left us..to a place in the west up in the sky. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise for her. Since I believe she must had suffered a lot during the whole period and must had felt terrible. It's a 解脱 for her bah. Do RIP.
To my loved ones out there - be it friends or relatives, I can't bring myself to say this out..not even type it out..but I do treasure everyone of u..and I wanna type the 3 words here but I really cant bring myself to do it. I hope u all do know what the 3 words are. Take care dudes.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
just grumbling
wat a period of few days. made to wash plates and utensils. made to cook stuff for pple. fell ill. then must endure pple's comments abt ownself when these pple dunoe the details of everything. wth la. dun comment on pple's life and views and wat so ever when u dunoe the details or rather the main points of all things that had happened before. there is a limit to it. and I know i'm fat. and i make it known to people that i do know that i'm fat and i agree with it and i can even joke about it. but still, there is a limit to it. Don't say i had eaten when u do not know whether i had or haven't had my meal yet!!! U are insulting me by saying that i looked as if i had my meal by looking at my tummy. I know i have a big tummy. but too bad for u, i DID NOT eat much on that day. n had barely enough for what u considered eaten!!!
ANGRY! IRRITATED! totally spoil my cny. argh.
ANGRY! IRRITATED! totally spoil my cny. argh.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
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