i dunoe..i think i'm affected by the ads for the cancer charity show on tv..nothing to do wif wat i read on mel's blog. reali. seriously.

i have been and always is and still is..a very pessimistic person..I remember telling my mother once, not long ago..think either late last year or early this year when i was walking to the mall with my mum, on a weekend whenn i was back home from hostel..i told her, "mummy, i think i wont die when i'm in my 70s or 80s..rather, i'll die when i'm ard 40 or 50 plus, not cos of accidents but cos of diseases that i may suffer..heart attack, kidney failure or problems, cancers..stuff that are linked to unhealthy diet and obesity.." That's my thought that wkend and i think it's quite true..and now..after watching the advertisements..I'm scared..i noe i'm still young but we never noe wat may happen to us in the future rite? Further more..I have never had a proper whole body check..so if i ever have something serious, i also dunoe mah..cant blame me for being so paranoid too. My siblings have asthma and I was the only spared. I always wonder why..though i always have stomach aches and headaches n stuff but those cld be pyschologically linked problems..I reali dunoe..I'm worried, I'm scared..financially, i dun think my family is stable. Dad's the only one working, and his income is the only income for my family. Bro and i are still in uni, using dad's CPF while sis is still schooling..few more yrs of schooling to uni yrs..which will mean more expenditure..wat if..i mean wat if, i got into serious trouble like some illness or accident that require lotsa money?? or whoever in the family and i pray nothing happens to them..though i felt i was very well treated in the family when i was younger, they, esp him, are still my family after all..i dun wanna anyone in family to have something bad happen to them..i wld rather have something happen to me than my family members..

I was thinking..hmm..if..if ever la..i got into smthg that requires large amt of money input from family to solve it..to cure me or watsoever..i wld rather they leave me to die and rot than do smthg that will leave them in trouble..parents are not that young anymore and sis is still young n schooling..need bro to help look after them too..haiz..i dunoe..i think i'm juz being pessimistic. I think i dunoe..haiz. think it's better to be prepared though i noe i wont go for health check..dunoe la..sui tian yi bah..