terrible

supposed to be asleep now. but juz felt like blogging at the moment. life is terrible nowadays. sometimes i just wonder what's my priorities in life. is it handball (doing something that I like) or is it work (sch work etc)?? I cant seem to handle both and when it comes to the crucial point, it seems that i'll always choose something I like. perhaps it has to do with the fact that the something I like are always linked to other people. If i don't go do it, it'll indirectly affect the others. Just like in a game, when the keeper is off form, the game can be lost due to the keeper..I don't know. Now both side needs me. Not saying that I'm effective both in training or during project. I wanna help xq with the programming but i cant..i feel so scared for my comp after wat had happened earlier on. and i always bully her. sigh. I'm supposed to finish the rest of the stuff - uis and diagrams - but look at what happened. i'm confused again. i hate myself for being that.

on the way back to hall just now, i saw the remains of an accident..the car overturned on the road..i think it's marymount road..that stretch of road..there was some liquid on the road..either oil or blood..the horn of the car was gg on cos i think it was being pressed on..that was something that i didnt think that i will witness personally unless it's on tv..there was something else on the other side but i didnt get up to the other side of the bus to see..i guess i was a little afraid of what i'll see..i begin to ponder..will i be able to do whatever i wanted to do before i leave this world? so many times i had think about leaving this world - ever since sec sch..since the difficult times when i was still immature..still still stuck in that world of -ve thinkings..i dunoe. now in less than 1 or 2 months' time, i will be leaving sch n working..will i be able to work in a profession that i like? will i be able to work in a job that will allow me to have free time to entertain my other favourites such as hball?? or will i be stuck in a job that i totally dislike and hate? I don't know. I can feel the burden now. can feel the burden that i'll be carrying when i graduate..don't like to think abt it..